Sunday, December 10, 2006

Rolls, Parts and Places

I have been in this BDSM world for about nine years. I don't make it my public identity, I infrequently participate in my local scene, I have my kinky friends, some I have met here at munches, some I have met through the Community, some I have met through my on-line presence and others I have met through cyber communities. It's been quite a journey.
This is how it evolved. I had a kinky streak quite early on. I liked leather, wore dog collars, practiced a poly life, experimented with toys, found myself in groups, menage trios, in sex clubs, etc. I had girlfriends who I instinctually Dominated. I had boyfriends who naturally tied me up. I had a few of those humiliating experiences, which at the time I thought made me weird or wrong, but now I recognize as something that fulfills something deep inside of me. To sum it all up, I was attracted to the extremes of sexuality. I was a dirty girl. Some times I would meet a person who recognized this within me, we had our fling, and both walked away smiling. Other times I would meet a person who tried to change me. One day I found myself married, trying to live a traditionally monogamous life. I was very dissatisfied, but thought, this is life... I felt trapped and alone. I began taking steps to find my happiness. I moved on.
Then I met a Man. He took me as His own. He Dominated me completely. He nurtured the sexual slave in me. Our relationship has evolved over the years but what He recognized in me fit completely with His own needs.
This was years before I knew a thing about a BDSM community. Our power exchange came naturally.
Year later I ran across the BDSM online community with their contrived "rolls and parts". Capital letters to signify Dominance, and all the rigid ideas about what makes a good sub. For you who haven't had the opportunity to experience real life D/s or BDSM or whatever initials you want to use... those strict etiquette and protocol is not how it really is. We are talking about human beings here... confining ideas about how one should be and act within their sexual identities just can not apply realistically. In my opinion, it is just like sexuality, there is a continuum of where everyone lies... there aren't just two options... gay or straight. Most of us have a little of one and a bit of the other. And with BDSM, it's the same, there is Dominance and Submission, true, but most of us have a bit of the other in us too. In my local BDSM scene, seems 90% of the participants are switches. And switches make the best subbies and Dom(mes) anyhow, cause they know a little about how it might feel to be the other.

xxoo mia

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