Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Sex as Catharsis

I always hesitate to blog too much about my personal life. Part of it is my own hang ups, my own walls, etc. I worry if i put too much of the deep personal me out there someone may tap into a protected, hidden side of me that I dread exposing. The other thing about blogging about deeply personal topics is that I work in the fantasy world and I hate to ruin someones fantasy ideal of me. But the truth of me as Sex worker is, I only do it because I want to. I really don't need to work as a PSO or cam girl, I just do it because I get off on it. You might be into pantyhose, or you might be into dangling, or you might be into me being Your girl, or you might be into Female Superiority, but I am into Selling Fantasies. In case you don't understand, what I mean is, I get off on working to get you off. I ache to hear the phone ring. I get wet knowing that I am getting into your head and you enjoy my wicked mind so much you are willing to compensate me financially. I guess you might say I have a Whore "thing". And I am really really into it.
Back to my personal life. Many of you have been sending me messages asking where I have been lately. I haven't replied because I really didn't know what to say. Part of me wanted to keep the fantasy alive, I want put forth the image that I am the idealize Woman you have grown to know and lust. But the truth is I am just a mere human like you, except my ass is way nicer than yours...
I have been gone three separate weeks in the last month, traveling out of state to help a very ill family member. And the traveling will probably continue for the rest of the summer. Words like cancer, life support, sepsis, ICU, ventilator, white blood cell count, central lines, paralysis are words that were not a regular part of my vocabulary before May. Now they are. This reality is a major bummer, I know. It's not sexy at all, but... I find myself even needier for sexual interaction.
This is what happened... I had spent a long sleepless night in a hospital waiting room. I had family around but also a dear old friend was close by my side. As morning rolled around we went back to the hotel to shower and clean up. The door shut behind us and this man immediately pulled me close and made demands of me. It was the absolute best thing as a friend he could offer me at that moment. Even facing grief and life & death decisions, he knew how to support me. Sex is cathartic, sex can be healing, and sex is a huge stress relief.
I wondered at one point how I would ever just turn off my mind, log on again at Niteflirt and be the Vixen Mia again. But what I realized is it was just what I needed. I needed my fantasy fulfilled as it always is when I take calls. I knew I needed the escapism of the roleplays I enjoy as I play with my callers. So here I am back at being a phone sex operator and feeling even better about life because of it.

xxoo mia