Saturday, January 16, 2010

A Return

I sometimes crave to be pushed hard against the wall, pressed into, felt roughly and entered with force. If the lover is skillful I will experience a change of consciousness. This shift is difficult for me to describe. Even those who have shared this with me don’t always realize what has occurred. When asked to describe it most words are lacking; possessed sounds too negative but is almost accurate. I used to hid my “transformation” or at least gloss over it. But I had this lover who liked to re-count. The passionate act was one thing, but for him, hearing me retell it was another huge turn on. I found myself thinking through our fucking, trying to place it in my memory as it happened. The unfortunate side effect was of course, that I would be unable to let go enough to slip into that other world. I wanted to please this man, but also, when I was revisiting the event for him, if I got fuzzy over details or the order of things he took it personally. He thought that our lust was common or forgettable for me. This was far from the case but he still looked doubtfully at me when I tried to explain my possession.

I crave the events leading up to the shift because I actually need the shift. Rarely is there a time in my life when I shut down. It can be quite aggravating to be around me because I think constantly. I analyze and question constantly. My brain is churning at every moment. And as you may be able to imagine, even sleep is often elusive. Why am I telling you this? I want you to understand my sexual motivation; this is why I am a sexual adventurer, as I so blatantly claim. I need the shift. It’s not a want, this is therapy for me. Sex is healing, relaxing, cathartic, oh wait, no, let me revise. Sex can be healing, relaxing and cathartic.

But what about all the other sexual experiences, you know, the non-forceful, non-rough fucking penetrative sex? What about the seductive Mia, what about all those sexual experiences that involve Mia in something tight and revealing with her mind in high gear and her taking her lover into a realm of exploitation or manipulation or calculated seduction and teasing? These sexual experiences fulfill another side of me. It’s not the same as the animalistic penetrative sex that takes me into lala-land it’s more … hmm, this is also difficult to define. The first word that comes to mind is amusing and sorry if that seems harsh, but it’s like a challenge, a game, a hobby, a talent. I get a rush, a tingle, it’s, quite honestly, egotistically pleasing. I can’t think of a time when I feel lovelier then when I see a man groveling or falling over himself to please me. It turns me on to be desired by certain men, not just any man, but men who have power in the world and find themselves offering it all to me. These aren’t the same kind of lovers whom I share the animalistic fucking with usually.

I guess it all goes back once again to balance. Doesn’t everything? I walk between many worlds in my life and that is how I like it. I easily flow between the submissive and dominant, the traditional and the non-conformist, the working class and the educated. I am open to many experiences. I am trying to take advantage of everything life has to offer.

xxoo mia


JMB said...

You are a complex woman, Mia. Thank you for sharing your 'cravings.'

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Hammer said...

i always like the sexual honesty in your posts
the raw fuck in the middle is hot and thought provoking

hope youre doing well

Unknown said...

thnx a lot for sharing it here..and I do love sex but not getting it not much experienced. But I am very sure that I can please a woman and she feel like heavenly blessing